because I'm a J . . . I'm planning to be spontaneous today

I am planning on being spontaneous today if I get my homework done.
I am planning on a trip to Target, and I don't really need anything.
I might drop by and visit someone on campus who I may or may not have emailed about spontaneously coming over on Friday afternoon.
I may drink a soda, and a beer.

Spontaneity is really hard work for a J.  I really suck at it.  But, maybe if i plan in some practice time I can improve.

Shame on you, Shame.

Okay, so kind of a serious post, but I am blogging, and this is what I've been thinking about.

So I've been exploring a past PTSD experience I had while in Zambia during my current sessions with my counselor.  I realized that I had attached shame to part of the near-car-jacking event.  Because I felt shame, I didn't admit to myself or those around me that I needed help.  I hid.  This has lead me to think a lot about the nature of shame and why we do the opposite of what we most desperately need.  Shame tells us to flee from relationship, the thing that can most readily help to remove our shame.  Shame makes all our fears flare up.  Shame keeps us from freely expressing who we are created to be.  Shame keeps us from interacting freely with God as well.

When people talk about how Satan attacks Westerners, they say it's in the sins you can't see.  I think this is true.  I also think the root of that sin is bound up in shame.  We are not who God says we are.  We are too marred to be loved by Him and others.  We believe we will find rejection if we disclose our shame, where we will more than likely find mercy.

We weren't created to hide.  We weren't created to have to hold back who we are.  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Shame is a lie.  Shame on you, Shame.

So, a new blog . . .

I was chatting with my friend Renae yesterday, and she told me she missed my voice.  Not just my actual voice, but my voice if that makes sense.  She said I should blog more, Facebook more, call more.  Well, I'd like to.  However, the stuff in my head these days I don't feel comfortable posting for the community at large.  If they don't know me, they may get a incorrect impression.  For those of you who know my voice, you will know how to read this blog.  I hope to communicate more frequently and more freely.  I make no promises as to how often I will blog, and perhaps there will be blogs that are a waist of your time because they are literally verbal processing.  For instance, yesterday evening after returning from 5 Guys Burgers and Fries, I was heard verbally processing with two roommates.  I said, "Why do these jeans fit so comfortably, but are too short?"  That was it.  So, maybe I'll blog about stuff like that too.  Sometimes I resent the aforementioned jeans, because I wish they were longer, so I don't wear them as often.  I tend to get attached to my pants that fit well.
Anyhow, we'll see how this goes.