Apparently I'm angry with God. I say apparently, because it makes me uncomfortable to straightforwardly and honestly state that I am really pissed at God. I keep my anger at a low simmer, because if I let it loose I think it might scare the hell out of me. My counselor asked if I thought it was possible to rage against God in worship. This question makes me uncomfortable, because I think it just might be possible. It might be the most worshipful thing I could do right now. I welcome as well as implore you for your thoughts.
I put this post in the hopeful thoughts category, because I think it's exactly where it belongs. Think about that for a moment.
First, and this is embarrassing to admit, I feel inadequate when it comes to talking intelligently about worship. I feel like I should have a better grasp on this, as it is the vocation I find myself in. I hope to one day have a better understanding of what it is to worship.
ReplyDeleteThat being stated, I believe -- in my admittedly small grasp of this -- that worship is a response to the revelation of God in our lives. As God reveals Himself to us, we respond by worshipping. Usually for me that consists of singing, making joyful noises, writing, playing music, sometimes praying, reflecting.
There have been times when I've been angry at God and I've let Him know that loudly and openly. I don't know that I would call that worship because, in my case, I was angry at Him because I thought that I knew better than He did what was good for me. I wasn't responding to His revelation. I was acting out of my own frustrations. It was good for me to get that anger out into the open and talk with Him about it. But I don't think it was worship. For me, the worship later, came after much prayer and fasting and finally coming to understand and believe that He did, in fact, know better than me.
Then again, maybe I'm confusing worship and praise.
I sure would love to see some other comments on this, because I've been puzzling over your question since you posted.
ReplyDeleteI think there's something worshipful about about so honestly acknowledging anger towards God, because He is the only One who can do anything about the reason we're angry. There is a confession of His sovereignty, of our faith in Him, of our inability to redeem and his purpose to do so. If we are in the already/not yet Kingdom, then it makes sense to rage against the evil caused by sin, and acknowledge that it's God's timing that will bring an ultimate end to the pain of life. I think a great deal of care must be taken not to accuse God of evil intent. But, right now I think that singing a praise song for me would be giving Him lip service.
ReplyDeleteI'm just curious... did your counselor use the exact phrase "rage against God"?
ReplyDeleteNot that I think it's a good thing to be angry at God... but... I feel that I would rather be angry with God than indifferent and apathetic toward Him. Anger at God suggests that we are engaged with Him... that even if we are not speaking directly to Him about our anger we are thinking of Him and about Him in our anger. What's scary is not facing that anger or not expressing that anger to Him and allowing ourselves to become angry in general or even worse... indifferent.
I read things in the Psalms like ch. 13 or ch. 22... and I can totally picture the psalmist pounding his fists in anger as he is writing and saying those words... but both of these psalms end in praise.
Those are my disjointed and unorganized thoughts
My counselor used the phrase after hearing it from me. She has very good listening skills.
ReplyDelete"She has very good listening skills." :-)
ReplyDeleteI do agree that we should give God our honest selves, not lip service in the form of a song we don't really want to sing. And I agree with you, too, that there's a righteous anger that rages against the evil of sin. Absolutely!
But there are other times when I am angry, and it's not necessarily that holy discontent. I guess for me, it comes down to this: yes, I will acknowledge my anger, or grief, or pain, or frustration, and I will be open and honest with God about where I'm at. He doesn't want an offering of worship that isn't sincere (2 Corinthians 9:7). At the same time, though, I -- personally -- need to sing those songs to Him. Somehow, I -- again, me personally -- need to put myself aside when I'm worshipping.
Frederick Buechner said in his sermon "The Two Stories", "In spite of every reason to give the whole show up, we're here still just able to hope; in spite of all the griefs and failures we've known, we're here still just able to rejoice; in spite of the darkness we all of us flirt with, we are here still just a little, at least, in love with light. By miracle we survive even our own shabbiness, and for the time being maybe that is resurrection enough."
Worship is resurrection for me sometimes. In spite of my anger, or maybe even because of it, I must sing of God's goodness and love and sovereignty. When I feel hopeless, singing the songs and saying the prayers reminds me who God is, and when that happens I am opened up to Him and I can worship Him more and more fully.