I think about the concept of hope a lot. I ask myself if it's okay to hope, if I am hopeful, or what I'm hoping in or for. A few months ago the idea of giving in to hope was too risky to embrace. However, much has changed in my heart and in how I see myself. I've flushed out a lot of crap regarding relationships, assumptions I place upon others to bear that frankly make the look pretty bad, shallow and heartless. It's because I was afraid to hope. I didn't want to feel pain or disappointment, so I killed all emotion, including hope. I killed the good to avoid what may or may not have been bad.
We move about wanting so badly for people to like us. In reality most actually do. You have to be intentionally rude or cold to be unliked. Unfortunately, I think it's more because we are self-consumed, we don't spend all that much time internally debriefing social exchanges and concluding how we feel about someone, unless we just met them. We, instead, dwell upon ourselves, debriefing how someone might have felt about us.
Here's what I now believe is true. People like me. I am enjoyable and lovely. God calls me his beloved. He thinks so highly of me, and measures my worth by doing everything in His power to assure that I will have life and relationship with Him. He had me in mind as his Son begged to have the cup of God's wrath taken away from him, and he didn't take it back. He poured out His wrath upon his Son, for me.
Am I liked? Does it matter? There is a God, and He is good, and he calls me beloved and his actions back it up.Can I live a life of hope? Yup. If my hope is in the right place. Can I endure pain and disappointment? I don't really want to, but in relationship to resting in the grace of God and never having to experience the wrath of God that I justly deserve, yeah.
you, my dear, are a delight. I am VERY excited to come spend time with you today. And, just before I sat down to peruse through blogs, I pushed a beautiful loaf of whole-wheat-nut bread in the oven for you. :) I washed your name into it with egg whites before I put it in......just for you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reflecting and posting Brook.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy our treasure when she visits :-)
brook, how did you begin to believe that you were valued and treasured? what did you ask? i'm struggling through the same issue, different source. realizing the thought of me as God's beloved just seems like one big joke to my heart -- perhaps the church as his beloved, but me?? your thoughts were written with conviction -- wondering how you acquired it. i think it would make for a good post.
ReplyDeleteJamie, in response to your comment I will send you an email, but for blogworld, I will say, and this is true, just vague, that I changed what I told myself. I literally wrote out my definition for what it means to be lovely, and noticed that there was nothing to do with looking like a super model. The qualities of a supermodel came across as very cold and distant, far from lovely.
ReplyDeleteI began to tell myself what was true of myself. I posted it on my mirror in my bathroom and read it every day. It's still there. Slowly I began to believe what I wrote. The mind is a very influential little thing. I had no idea until I intentionally looked into it what I was believing and telling myself.
I just read something that mentioned how we "self-talk" constantly. Oftentimes we self-talk about how we're not good enough and don't measure up. It's worth it to slow down and really think hard about the messages you allow in your mind. Brook, I'm super impressed at this post, what you've shared with us, and how you've influenced yourself in such a great way. Here's to hope!
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