The Weight of Words

Yesterday I was listening to NRP on the way to church.  On Being was the program that was being aired.  The guest of the day was Elizabeth Alexander, the poet who read a poem at Obama's inauguration in 2009.  Now, poetry isn't something I naturally get, but I've been more intentional as of late to read poetry regularly.  What Alexander said in this program explained why.  She said that when she writes poetry it's all intuition.  When she stood up to do a sound check at the inauguration, she recited a poem  about building apartments in Chicago, and the crowd grew silent.  It wasn't Alexander's voice that silenced them, but the words they were hearing. It's as if their beings were longing for what their brains couldn't give them, words set in poetry that communicated what they knew only in their guts to be true.  Words that affect.

My bedtime reading changed in the fall and winter of this last year, to no longer be of novels that allowed me to leave my reality, but instead novels and memoirs whose words aroused affect.  The words on the pages read more like poetry, and they felt true, and more then once I wept because I felt known in the words.

So, here's a poem, a haiku, because it's one form of poetry that I'm able to easily write.

Beautiful woman,
not because of how she looks;
much deeper within

In the last 10 years . . .

As I sit in Paul & Lindsey's home, rubbernecking at the trash guys taking the last trash pick up that will happen in my name at 1608, the day I will put my first house on the market, I am reflecting on what I have done in the last ten years.

1. I have earned, yes earned, two master's degrees.

2. I have lived in two countries, and two states.

3. I have had 4 different cars.

4. I have purchased my first home.

5. I have learned plumbing skills, including snaking a sewer system (thank you Scott Seebohm).

6. I have learned to brew beer.

7. I fulfilled a long time dream of being a barista.

8. I have had 8 jobs, 9 if you count plasma donation.

9. I guess I should add that I have sold bodily fluids.

10. I have been surrounded by amazing friends, including a surprising number of southerners, and over 20 roommates.

11. I have become a kayaker

12. I have seen friends marry and divorce, have children and lose them.  Life is harder than I thought it would be.

13. I have become a mac user.

14. The kitchen department of stores has become my favorite section.  I also like the garden section, storage, cleaning products, and home furnishings.  I get more satisfaction from researching and buying a fan, than a CD.

15. I have moved closer to knowing who I am and becoming more human.

Living Levitical Loca

I have a two friends who have taken a class on the book of Leviticus this semester, and one of their assignments last week was to live according to Levitical law.  They needed to wear clothes all of one fabric, not touch dead things, not eat meat and cheese in the same meal, etc.  I really don't know all that was entailed.  They both said they had to be consciously aware of the state of their hearts.

After a conversation with Emily (one of the participants), I have had something she said rolling around in my head.  She became aware that it is impossible for a person to remain "clean".  If you touch someone who is unclean (and you have no real way of knowing), you are unclean.  You can live under the assumption that, try as you may, at the end of the day you will need to rinse off because of uncleanliness.  God has made extremely difficult, under his own law, for his people to be clean.

This may sound defeating, but instead it's somehow freeing.  It makes us acutely aware of how much we need God's forgiveness.  We cannot make it on our own.  Forgiveness draws us back into relationship with God, unable to deny that we don't need him.  God has always been about relationship with his people, and since the fall we've been running away trying to be our own god.  Through his law he put in place a reminder system.

Emily also mentioned that if we examine what the underlying principles are behind the law, we see the character and heart of God.  It was never intended to be about dos and don'ts, but about being set apart in our character and hearts.

Thankfully, now we can slap some cheese on our burgers, and hug our friends after they have handled dirty diapers.  We don't have to rinse off anymore at the end of the day, because we are marked with the Holy Spirit to remind us of our need for repentance and for God.  And that same Spirit is transforming our hearts that we might one day know and we are fully known.

because I'm a J . . . I'm planning to be spontaneous today

I am planning on being spontaneous today if I get my homework done.
I am planning on a trip to Target, and I don't really need anything.
I might drop by and visit someone on campus who I may or may not have emailed about spontaneously coming over on Friday afternoon.
I may drink a soda, and a beer.

Spontaneity is really hard work for a J.  I really suck at it.  But, maybe if i plan in some practice time I can improve.

So, a new blog . . .

I was chatting with my friend Renae yesterday, and she told me she missed my voice.  Not just my actual voice, but my voice if that makes sense.  She said I should blog more, Facebook more, call more.  Well, I'd like to.  However, the stuff in my head these days I don't feel comfortable posting for the community at large.  If they don't know me, they may get a incorrect impression.  For those of you who know my voice, you will know how to read this blog.  I hope to communicate more frequently and more freely.  I make no promises as to how often I will blog, and perhaps there will be blogs that are a waist of your time because they are literally verbal processing.  For instance, yesterday evening after returning from 5 Guys Burgers and Fries, I was heard verbally processing with two roommates.  I said, "Why do these jeans fit so comfortably, but are too short?"  That was it.  So, maybe I'll blog about stuff like that too.  Sometimes I resent the aforementioned jeans, because I wish they were longer, so I don't wear them as often.  I tend to get attached to my pants that fit well.
Anyhow, we'll see how this goes.

dysfunctional therapy

I have lately been enamored with www.peopleofwalmart.com

It just feels good.  Check it out and laugh hardily!

Anxious Anxiety

I have had an extremely anxiety filled week.  I met my potentially future supervisor for my counseling internship (it was kind of like an interview), saw my first client (I'm pretty sure she wanted to hug me), set up my first couples therapy session, had a wretched group therapy session via my group dynamics class, and anticipate counseling and supervision today and tomorrow.

Anxiety creeps up into your stomach, and it sits there, hot and knotty.  I'm convinced it controls my heart beat and boosts my metabolism.  What I'm thinking about it what it communicates to me.  Clearly it says that I don't feel at ease, but I also think it makes me question myself.  Am I good enough, likable enough, courageous enough, competent enough?  It makes me aware that I listen to the voice of pride telling me that I must be in control, that I can't trust God.  It highlights my brokenness and the areas of my life in need of sanctification.

I hate how it feels, but I think I just may be thankful for it.

Ahem.

Okay, I'm back for now.  Summer has arrived, so I feel like I have some down time.  I've got two classes for the summer.  One's over and done with and the other just started--Group Dynamics.  My counseling internship is just underway. I'm slightly intimidated, but at the same time not.  After just one short year of classes, they are planning to set me loose to meddle in the lives of others. I will meet with my first client on Monday.



In other news I just got back from a visit to Atlanta.  I feel a bit sheepish saying it was to see my dog, so I'll instead say I got  to see my dear friend Patty, my brother, sister-in-law, and the dogs.



Bianca is getting a little older, showing a bit of white around the eyes.  She's mellowing, but very much still stubborn and verbal.  She has vastly improved her skills of catching waffles off of her nose.

I'm shutting down for awhile

Due to feeling pressure to update, and not wanting to, I'm shutting the blog down for awhile.  If you keep the blog on some sort of feed you'll notice if I start up again.  But, don't hold your breath.

Why New Testament History & Theology is Important

Today in class I learned one of those little jewels of information.

Jesus was born in 6 B.C.  

How could he do that, I wondered?  My friend Hayden said it's because he is God.  

My professor said that the theologians did the math wrong.  King Herod at the time only ruled until 4 B.C., so if Jesus was born in 0 B.C., then Herod would have already been dead and the order to kill all of the boys would never have happened, Joseph and the fam never would have had to flee to Egypt, etc.  I didn't really want to know all of that.  Jesus being born in 6 B.C. is funny all on it's own.

Last Chance Harvey

I saw this movie with Karen yesterday, and it was wonderful.  It showed a desire for companionship and relationship.  It portrays the risk and fear that is involved with starting a new relationship or with trying to reconcile a past one.  There's wit, charm, and redemption, all things I like in a good movie.

My favorite line is said by Emma Thompson's character and is something to the effect of I think I'm more comfortable feeling disappointed, and I guess I'm mad at you for taking that away.

The movie is well written and Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman do their usual best.  Go see it!

Feliz Navidad

We got a little festive in the apartment yesterday.  

Two J's in a pod

This last weekend Karen and I managed to do not one, but two spontaneous activities, both involving food.  First, on Saturday we went to Chick-fil-A.  Then, on Sunday night, after bringing the partridge (grilled steak, mashed potatoes, cooked carrots with brown sugar and butter, and a bottle of $6 wine)  we went to The Cheese Cake Factory.  It was 8:30 p.m. and very dark when we left, so we were rather impressed with ourselves.  Who says J's are spontaneous?!

Today in history

I'm a big fan of knowing what happened long ago on today's date.  Here's what happened today.		On Nov. 13, 1956, the Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial segregation on public buses.  On Nov. 13, 1850, Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish author best known for his novel "Treasure Island", was born. Following his death on Dec. 3,1894, his obituary appeared in The Times.

On this date in:
1775	U.S. forces captured Montreal during the American Revolution.
1789	Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter to a friend, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
1856	Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis was born in Louisville, Ky.
1927	The Holland Tunnel linking New York City and New Jersey beneath the Hudson River opened to the public.
1942	The minimum draft age was lowered from 21 to 18.
1969	Vice President Spiro T. Agnew accused network TV news departments of bias and distortion, and urged viewers to lodge complaints.
1974	Karen Silkwood, a technician and union activist at the Kerr-McGee Cimarron plutonium plant near Crescent, Okla., was killed in a car crash.
1977	The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in newspapers for the last time.
1979	Former California Gov. Ronald Reagan announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination.
1982	The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, D.C.
1985	A mudslide triggered by the Nevado del Ruiz volcano buried the city of Armero, Colombia, killing some 23,000 people.
1997	The Disney musical "The Lion King" opened on Broadway.
1998	President Bill Clinton agreed to pay Paula Jones $850,000, ending the four-year legal battle over her sexual harassment lawsuit that spurred impeachment proceedings against him. Clinton did not admit guilt.
2001	Afghanistan's ruling Taliban abandoned the capital, Kabul, without a fight, allowing U.S.-backed northern alliance fighters to take over the city.
2002	Saddam Hussein's government agreed to the return of international weapons inspectors to Iraq.
2003	Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore, who had refused to remove a granite Ten Commandments monument from the state courthouse, was thrown off the bench by a judicial ethics panel for having "placed himself above the law."

A plug for The Secret Life of Bees

On Sunday night, Suzy, Nathaniel and I went and saw the movie The Secret Life of Bees.  This was a most anticipated movie for me after getting completely sucked into the book, written by Sue Monk Kidd.  This movie is about relationship, healing, and redemption.  It's a crier, people.  Don't get thrown off by the odd spirituality portrayed in it, be discerning, because this one is worth seeing!

half-way through

The books on the left I've managed to read.  The one's on the right, however . . . I'm workin' on it.

My professors have tried to make me feel better about the reading load by telling me they could have assigned more.  Seriously?  Seriously.

Failblog.org

My classmate, Craig, told me that his students had really been enjoying this blog.  Check it out, it's definitely good for a few laughs.

failblog.org

The Bible makes me nauseous

So, for my Old Testament History and Theology class, I get to read the entire OT in a semester.  That means I have had to read 10-20 chapters per day.  Today I am in Leviticus.  I got to chapter 13, about leprosy and other skin diseases.  I had to skim.  I had to skim 2 chapters of the Word of God.  It was making me sick.  What if the Levitical priests of the time had weak stomachs?  If they threw up from looking at the lepers, didn't that make them unclean, too?  I could never be a dermatologist.

Tomorrow I will read about bodily discharge.  Now there's something I can handle!

quote of the day

"You don't know what the triggers are until you can identify them."  

A doctor on Good Morning America talking about migraines.

and the word of the day is . . .

perspicuity

The definition given to me this morning by Dr. Williams is, "an unclear word for clarity".  Cracks me up!