Brook Unfiltered

updating with old stuff

2011-09-06T10:54:00.001-05:00

Sorry if I've overwhelmed anybody's readers. I pulled all of my old wordpress blog posts from Brook Said What onto this blog, so I'd have them all in one place. I've also added labels to all of the original Brook Unfiltered posts. That said, I did this for my convenience, so stay and read the old stuff if you'd like, or don't.

Glory

2011-07-23T15:34:00.000-05:00

I've been rereading The Allure of Hope by Jan Meyers, for what is probably the 6th time. This thought struck me today:

Glory asks something of us. Our hearts say, "Leave us alone; we're fine. Please don't unveil our faces, because we're not sure how the glory will be handled." It might be too much. We would rather have the comfort of a marred painting than deal with the brillance of the original. The beauty of revealed hope is often met with such distain.

I would welcome a discussion surrounding this unsettling thought from Ms. Meyers.

Unfiltered

2011-07-18T17:39:00.000-05:00

The remaining sludge and sediment from a batch of beer I brewed.

When brewing beer there is always sediment left in the fermentation bucket that you have to avoid getting into your bottles. You can put your beer through a secondary fermentation process that brings about clarity to the beer and decreases the sediment even further. I usually skip the latter step because I am able to drink my beer a few weeks sooner. However, I also leave the last bit of beer in the bottle as to not ingest the sediment I missed. It feels like it ruins the finish of a otherwise delightful quaff.

I was thinking about the accuracy of my blog title. Why do I usually (always) have filter? Is it because I am using discretion and I want to be tactful? Sure. Is it because I'm hesitant to be brutally honest, because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings? That's probably the truest reason the blog got it's name. But lately I've become more aware that I filter my words because I don't want others to know that I'm needy, and messy, and scared. I filter so that everyone will think I'm competent and strong and independent, and just fine. I filter so that no one can really know my heart. I don't think it's going to work much longer. That makes me angry, because I'd rather feel angry than scared.

Further unfiltered: this is what I thought about in church yesterday as I was profusely disrupted by 2 of the songs we sang, and started thinking about the idea of surrender. I'm sure there's another blog post in the works on that topic.

Choosing Death

2011-07-12T14:49:00.000-05:00

I choose death every day. I don't have to, but I succumb to it. I could choose life if I wanted, yet I trade down. I think it's because I don't hate death the way I should.

We go through life looking for greener grass, believing that the choice we have is life and better life. I think it's darker than that. We don't want to sit in the reality that we live in a world that isn't as it should be, so we pretend that it's really okay. In pretending that it's okay we don't properly long for it to be better; there are no birth pains. We live with a constant epidural. I guess longing and what we do with longing has been on my mind lately.

Every time I choke back desire I choose death. When I want to connect with someone and I pick up the TV remote instead of my cell phone, I choose death. When in my mind I spew out contempt towards the person I wanted to connect with, believing that they don't care about me, I choose death. When I spew hatred at myself, thinking I'm too much or not enough, I choose death again. Choosing death is choosing to shut down feeling alive, the kind of alive that it meant to remind us that better life is coming.

I have friends who are currently experiencing the hard sucker punches of life. They are lonely, they are scared, they worry, there's uncertainty, there's sorrow - everything in their circumstances screams at them to find a way to shut it all down. Like me, many of them do. Honestly, I'm not sure I want to enter into what they're feeling, because I might have to bear a taste of their agony. Maybe I can try to fix it for them, or give them words to placate and minimize their experience. Maybe I can just not even ask. I can choose death.

Or . . . I can get angry at the injustice, weep for the losses, long for the hideous pain of labor to be over.

If I choose life I will become acutely aware of my shortcomings, my weakness, my neediness. If I choose life I'll need a Savior.

Alluring My Heart

2011-06-30T10:04:00.002-05:00

In the past weeks I've been sitting with friends, clients, books, and my own internal ponderings. Many I have been with have been weary from activity and unsatisfied with daily routine. There is such pressure to do, to conform, to participate, and at the end of it all, there is such longing for more that fights its way to the forefront. Usually, longing brings about more busyness, because longing is so very hard to bear.

My own current journey had lead me to be very aware of how much I desire relationship, and how adept I am at keeping people from knowing my heart. As I've faced my own longing, I am left with deep loneliness. In my ambivalence I welcome the loneliness, because for the first time in my life I'm not trying to flee from it through temporary aloes, but I also hate my awareness and experience of it. Loneliness hurts! Yet, this has brought to the place where I'm aware that I have the choice to move towards people and relationships or to spew thoughts of blame and contempt as to why people aren't pursuing me. Only one of those choices is acceptable.

Additionally, I've been reading through the Bible chronologically, which means I'm currently in Chronicles and Kings, which is full of stories of murder, deceit, war, envy, hatred, disobedience, selfishness, and don't forget genealogy. Many chapters end with a prompt that if I should desire to know more, that I can find it in the Book of the Chronicles of the Kings of Israel. Thank you, I've had enough. There are a few kings that weren't evil and grotesquely disobedient, but still they failed to remove the totems to the false gods, and this is their noted offense, not only because it was a black mark against them, but because it meant that the hearts of the people were not set upon God.

This jarred me this morning, because it made me remember what God wants, what he's wanted all the way back in the garden. He wants relationship with his people; He wants their hearts. My longings are there for such a lovely reason, to allure me to God. Busyness, television, alcohol, pornography, work, etc. all deadened our longing for what we were made for and for what we can have: deep, meaningful relationship where we can be vulnerable, weak, needy, messy, adored, doted on, cherished, known . . . . Today I am thankful for loneliness, because my loneliness is actually longing, and my longing does not have to go unmet.

Rabbit Hole

2011-02-04T21:56:00.000-06:00

Tonight I saw the movie Rabbit Hole. It was phenomenal. I loved it for many reasons. It was raw and real and I believed it. There are few movies to which I give a 5 star rating, but this is one of them. Just sayin'.

The Weight of Words

2011-01-10T13:22:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I was listening to NRP on the way to church. On Being was the program that was being aired. The guest of the day was Elizabeth Alexander, the poet who read a poem at Obama's inauguration in 2009. Now, poetry isn't something I naturally get, but I've been more intentional as of late to read poetry regularly. What Alexander said in this program explained why. She said that when she writes poetry it's all intuition. When she stood up to do a sound check at the inauguration, she recited a poem about building apartments in Chicago, and the crowd grew silent. It wasn't Alexander's voice that silenced them, but the words they were hearing. It's as if their beings were longing for what their brains couldn't give them, words set in poetry that communicated what they knew only in their guts to be true. Words that affect.

My bedtime reading changed in the fall and winter of this last year, to no longer be of novels that allowed me to leave my reality, but instead novels and memoirs whose words aroused affect. The words on the pages read more like poetry, and they felt true, and more then once I wept because I felt known in the words.

So, here's a poem, a haiku, because it's one form of poetry that I'm able to easily write.

Beautiful woman,
not because of how she looks;
much deeper within

Sometimes Death Hurts Less

2011-01-04T14:17:00.002-06:00

On New Year's Day around 11 a.m. my grandma, otherwise known as Gram, passed away. She was 99 years old. In October she suffered a significant stroke that sort of signaled the beginning of the end of her life. I think most of us thought she would live forever.

When my dad told me she had died, I felt relief. Since, I have felt sorrow. I don't want to in any way trivialize her life or her death, but at 99, after almost all of her friends had died, her hearing and eyesight dwindling, and unable to walk or speak as she once did due to the stroke, I have a feeling her last breath was more of a deep sigh that began true rest. She was welcomed to the other side, where I am sure that the sparkle returned to her eyes.

I find I am more happy for her than I am sad for myself and for her children who are feeling the loss of their mother in a way I cannot imagine.

Below is her obituary.

Donia Talsma

Published: Tuesday, January 4, 2011 1:13 AM CST

SPRINGFIELD — Memorial services for Donia Talsma, 99, of Springfield will be 10:30 a.m. Wednesday, January 5, 2011 at the Friedensberg Bible Church in rural Avon. Crosby-Jaeger Funeral Home in Springfield is in charge of arrangements.

The family requests in lieu of flowers, that friends and family donate to Samaritans Purse, Box 3000, Boone, NC 28607.

Donia Elva Talsma, daughter of Peter and Amalia (Dirks) Unruh, was born September 10, 1911 at her parents’ home in rural Avon, SD in Bon Homme County. She died peacefully at her home in rural Springfield on January 1, 2011. Donia attained the age of 99 years, three months and 22 days.

Donia was privileged to have graduated from Springfield High School. She married Ray Talsma at her parents’ home in rural Avon on September 1, 1931. Nine children were blessed to their union. Donia was a hard working, loving wife, mother and farm/ranch helper. Her husband died September 20, 1974.

Donia had been a member of Friedensberg Bible Church and Grace Bible Church.

Donia loved gardening and reading her Bible. She will be remembered for gathering her children together and reading Bible stories and encouraging her children and grandchildren in their Christian faith. Donia spent time every day in prayer and meditation on the Word of God, praying specifically for her family, our nation and the spreading of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She was a true prayer warrior.

Thankful for having shared her life are her children: Joyce Lukkes of Springfield; Merle and wife Sharon of Iona, SD; Mollie Nichols and husband Wayne of Wray, CO; Rose Adema of Winthrop, MN; John and wife Gladys; Pete and wife Tommie; Larry and wife Georgia, all of Springfield; Robert and wife Mary of Norfolk, NE; and Lyla Brandt and husband Dennis of Avon; 26 grandchildren; 42 great grandchildren; nine great-great grandchildren; sister Alda (Unruh) Ferwerda and husband Bill of Springfield; and sister-in-law, Grace (Unruh) Hemeyer of Spearfish..

Donia was preceded in death by her husband; parents; brother Wally Unruh; sister Delphia at age four; granddaughters: Tanya Talsma and Kay Brandt; great grandson JD Corfield; and daughter-in-law Shirley Talsma.

Yankton Press & Dakotan

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, not the mirror

2010-10-10T13:48:00.001-05:00

So, I've recently been reading Wendell Berry's books Hannah Coulter and Jayber Crow. I'm hooked. I feel like I'm breathing in fresh air when I read his works.

Here's an excerpt from Hannah Coulter that has my mind working.

I was beautiful in those days myself, as I believe I can admit now that it no longer matters. A woman doesn't learn she is beautiful by looking in a mirror, which about any woman is apt to do from time to time, but that is only wishing. She learns it so that she actually knows it from men. The way they look at her makes a sort of glimmer she walks in. That tells her. It changes the way she walks too. But now I was a mother and a widow. It had been a longish while since I had thought of being beautiful, but Nathan's looks were reminding me that I was. (p. 65)

If we strive to find beauty looking back at us in the mirror, then we will surely fail to attain it, for in seeking to be beautiful, I believe we give up a part of ourselves to the slavery of vanity; we actually lose beauty. Rather, as we move towards others, allowing them to see us, to take us in, it is in their estimation of us that our beauty lies. It is an openness to being seen, and that is beautiful.

Each of my friends is beautiful to me. I can't help but see them this way. Though I know they strive as I do to dress well and practice some degree of good hygiene, I find that they are no less beautiful to me as when they are in their PJ's after having scrubbed off the days make up.

I guess I want to quit trying so hard to create a beauty in myself, and instead to let the beauty that's always been there propel me towards being more open and emotionally present. It scares the hooey out of me; it really does. But I think it's more honest and life-giving to others and to me, so perhaps it's worth it.

Hope is scary, and gritty.

2010-10-04T14:42:00.000-05:00

"Hope is a radically dangerous passion. Hope is anticipation. It is a vision of the future that guides how the present will be lived." Dan Allender from Bold Love

I feel like I'm in a dance with hope, not a graceful waltz or passionate tango, but a war dance, and I want hope to win. As much as I want hope to win, I will fight till the end against it. Hope demands relational risk, and not about whether or not I will experience the hurt of disappointment, but whether or not this time I will be disappointed, because I cannot avoid disappointment. Hope does not try to erase the fall, but stares it down with the knowledge that the score has already been settled and we are just waiting to see how it all plays out.

Hope grieves and rages and celebrates, it does not shrink back nor hide. Hope lays bare one's soul, revealing all and believing that one day my longings and desires will be fully realized, so I need not be ashamed of them now.

In the last 10 years . . .

2010-06-03T09:22:00.000-05:00

As I sit in Paul & Lindsey's home, rubbernecking at the trash guys taking the last trash pick up that will happen in my name at 1608, the day I will put my first house on the market, I am reflecting on what I have done in the last ten years.

1. I have earned, yes earned, two master's degrees.

2. I have lived in two countries, and two states.

3. I have had 4 different cars.

4. I have purchased my first home.

5. I have learned plumbing skills, including snaking a sewer system (thank you Scott Seebohm).

6. I have learned to brew beer.

7. I fulfilled a long time dream of being a barista.

8. I have had 8 jobs, 9 if you count plasma donation.

9. I guess I should add that I have sold bodily fluids.

10. I have been surrounded by amazing friends, including a surprising number of southerners, and over 20 roommates.

11. I have become a kayaker

12. I have seen friends marry and divorce, have children and lose them. Life is harder than I thought it would be.

13. I have become a mac user.

14. The kitchen department of stores has become my favorite section. I also like the garden section, storage, cleaning products, and home furnishings. I get more satisfaction from researching and buying a fan, than a CD.

15. I have moved closer to knowing who I am and becoming more human.

Living Levitical Loca

2010-04-28T10:17:00.000-05:00

I have a two friends who have taken a class on the book of Leviticus this semester, and one of their assignments last week was to live according to Levitical law. They needed to wear clothes all of one fabric, not touch dead things, not eat meat and cheese in the same meal, etc. I really don't know all that was entailed. They both said they had to be consciously aware of the state of their hearts.

After a conversation with Emily (one of the participants), I have had something she said rolling around in my head. She became aware that it is impossible for a person to remain "clean". If you touch someone who is unclean (and you have no real way of knowing), you are unclean. You can live under the assumption that, try as you may, at the end of the day you will need to rinse off because of uncleanliness. God has made extremely difficult, under his own law, for his people to be clean.

This may sound defeating, but instead it's somehow freeing. It makes us acutely aware of how much we need God's forgiveness. We cannot make it on our own. Forgiveness draws us back into relationship with God, unable to deny that we don't need him. God has always been about relationship with his people, and since the fall we've been running away trying to be our own god. Through his law he put in place a reminder system.

Emily also mentioned that if we examine what the underlying principles are behind the law, we see the character and heart of God. It was never intended to be about dos and don'ts, but about being set apart in our character and hearts.

Thankfully, now we can slap some cheese on our burgers, and hug our friends after they have handled dirty diapers. We don't have to rinse off anymore at the end of the day, because we are marked with the Holy Spirit to remind us of our need for repentance and for God. And that same Spirit is transforming our hearts that we might one day know and we are fully known.

the scariness of gnomes

2010-03-30T09:10:00.000-05:00

As my roomies and I travelled from Lakeland, FL to Huntsville, AL on Spring Break (a 10+ hour drive), we were driving via a tree-lined highway. Mary Martha was asked to watch for deer on the sides of the road. Wanting to be helpful, I volunteered to watch for other woodland creatures like nymphs and fairies. It was suggested that we watch for gnomes as well. The following conversation took place:

MM: Hey, Michelle, if you catch a gnome, can I pet it?
M: That seems scary to me.

because I'm a J . . . I'm planning to be spontaneous today

2010-02-19T08:41:00.000-06:00

I am planning on being spontaneous today if I get my homework done.
I am planning on a trip to Target, and I don't really need anything.
I might drop by and visit someone on campus who I may or may not have emailed about spontaneously coming over on Friday afternoon.
I may drink a soda, and a beer.

Spontaneity is really hard work for a J. I really suck at it. But, maybe if i plan in some practice time I can improve.

Shame on you, Shame.

2010-02-16T08:46:00.000-06:00

Okay, so kind of a serious post, but I am blogging, and this is what I've been thinking about.

So I've been exploring a past PTSD experience I had while in Zambia during my current sessions with my counselor. I realized that I had attached shame to part of the near-car-jacking event. Because I felt shame, I didn't admit to myself or those around me that I needed help. I hid. This has lead me to think a lot about the nature of shame and why we do the opposite of what we most desperately need. Shame tells us to flee from relationship, the thing that can most readily help to remove our shame. Shame makes all our fears flare up. Shame keeps us from freely expressing who we are created to be. Shame keeps us from interacting freely with God as well.

When people talk about how Satan attacks Westerners, they say it's in the sins you can't see. I think this is true. I also think the root of that sin is bound up in shame. We are not who God says we are. We are too marred to be loved by Him and others. We believe we will find rejection if we disclose our shame, where we will more than likely find mercy.

We weren't created to hide. We weren't created to have to hold back who we are. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Shame is a lie. Shame on you, Shame.

So, a new blog . . .

2010-02-12T08:59:00.000-06:00

I was chatting with my friend Renae yesterday, and she told me she missed my voice. Not just my actual voice, but my voice if that makes sense. She said I should blog more, Facebook more, call more. Well, I'd like to. However, the stuff in my head these days I don't feel comfortable posting for the community at large. If they don't know me, they may get a incorrect impression. For those of you who know my voice, you will know how to read this blog. I hope to communicate more frequently and more freely. I make no promises as to how often I will blog, and perhaps there will be blogs that are a waist of your time because they are literally verbal processing. For instance, yesterday evening after returning from 5 Guys Burgers and Fries, I was heard verbally processing with two roommates. I said, "Why do these jeans fit so comfortably, but are too short?" That was it. So, maybe I'll blog about stuff like that too. Sometimes I resent the aforementioned jeans, because I wish they were longer, so I don't wear them as often. I tend to get attached to my pants that fit well.
Anyhow, we'll see how this goes.

I don't know what was better, the movie or the experience

2009-11-22T18:07:00.000-06:00

This afternoon I ventured out to an independent movie theatre to watch An Education. What I have to say about the movie is that it is fabulous. The theatre is situated right next to Sacs Fifth Avenue, and the parking lot is full of Lexus, Minis, BMWs, Cadillacs, and the like. I felt sheepish as I parked my Pontiac near all the swank.

I arrived about 10 minutes prior to the start of the movie, and by the time I sat down, the theatre was about half full. I was the youngest viewer. By the time the previews began, I was still the youngest person there, and I'd say at least 95% of the audience was over 70. I woman directly in front of me had her hair set for the week.

Prior to the previews there was a timely and strategic Cadillac commercial, which I'm sure made more than one audience member soil their adult diapers with excitement. It was a weird experience to say the least, but delightfully memorable.

Although you may not have a similar experience to mine, see the movie if you get a chance. Some might call it a coming of age drama, but I think they're missing the film if they chalk it up to that. It's about a girl who loses her innocence, and comes back to find it. It's about defining what living is. It's about the humility of second chances. It's about things turning out right in the end when you are cheering for it to turn out wrong. I hope that doesn't ruin it for you, but it's a snippet of my unfolding thoughts.

dysfunctional therapy

2009-11-07T08:35:00.000-06:00

I have lately been enamored with www.peopleofwalmart.com

It just feels good. Check it out and laugh hardily!

what makes a great morning?

2009-07-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

This morning was amazing. I got up at 6:30 and had the quiet to myself. I brewed a french press of Birds & Bees shade grown organic coffee (I don't like it because of the organic shade grown, in case Gina is reading this). I ate some Trader Joe's cheerios. I read. And, what makes the morning perfect besides that: listening to NPR news morning edition.

Tonight will be a great evening: beer, grilled burgers (my uncle's beef), potato chips with french onion dip, root beer floats, good friends. Can't wait.

Anxious Anxiety

2009-07-16T09:09:00.000-05:00

I have had an extremely anxiety filled week. I met my potentially future supervisor for my counseling internship (it was kind of like an interview), saw my first client (I'm pretty sure she wanted to hug me), set up my first couples therapy session, had a wretched group therapy session via my group dynamics class, and anticipate counseling and supervision today and tomorrow.

Anxiety creeps up into your stomach, and it sits there, hot and knotty. I'm convinced it controls my heart beat and boosts my metabolism. What I'm thinking about it what it communicates to me. Clearly it says that I don't feel at ease, but I also think it makes me question myself. Am I good enough, likable enough, courageous enough, competent enough? It makes me aware that I listen to the voice of pride telling me that I must be in control, that I can't trust God. It highlights my brokenness and the areas of my life in need of sanctification.

I hate how it feels, but I think I just may be thankful for it.

Ahem.

2009-07-08T09:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm back for now. Summer has arrived, so I feel like I have some down time. I've got two classes for the summer. One's over and done with and the other just started--Group Dynamics. My counseling internship is just underway. I'm slightly intimidated, but at the same time not. After just one short year of classes, they are planning to set me loose to meddle in the lives of others. I will meet with my first client on Monday.

In other news I just got back from a visit to Atlanta. I feel a bit sheepish saying it was to see my dog, so I'll instead say I got to see my dear friend Patty, my brother, sister-in-law, and the dogs.

Bianca is getting a little older, showing a bit of white around the eyes. She's mellowing, but very much still stubborn and verbal. She has vastly improved her skills of catching waffles off of her nose.

I'm shutting down for awhile

2009-04-16T22:47:00.000-05:00

Due to feeling pressure to update, and not wanting to, I'm shutting the blog down for awhile. If you keep the blog on some sort of feed you'll notice if I start up again. But, don't hold your breath.

morning class, a haiku

2009-04-10T08:47:00.000-05:00

When I looked at it

a sadness came over me:

coffee cup empty.

Resurrection thoughts or It's not about the damn bunny

2009-04-08T19:28:00.000-05:00

In some ways I'm revisiting an earlier post in writing this, but I think it is worthwhile as Easter is upon us. In my mind I have been thinking over and over again that if the resurrection hadn't happened, then Christ's death wouldn't matter, because he'd be dead. I'm not trying to downplay the significance of Jesus' s death by any means. But, the fact that after he was dead and buried, he inhaled and came back into life matters tremendously. His inhalation means that everything prophesied about him in the Old Testament is true. Everything he told his disciples is true. That he is God and man at the same time is true. That he is prophet, priest, and king is true. But, the resurrection had to happen. It is through the resurrection that I can draw near to God.

What this means for me who believes in it all, is that I can push back against the darkness in this world and in my life, because he inhaled. I can fight for my heart and the hearts of others, because he inhaled. I can believe that I'm worth fighting for, because he fought for me and he won when he inhaled. I can fight for hope, live in hope, pursue hope with vigor, because he took a breath after dying on a cross, shedding his blood, carrying everything wicked, thoughtless, indifferent, shameful thought our deed I will ever think or do with him. He made life possible for me. The resurrection means he won.

Another shout out to Andrew Peterson's High Noon

When Jesus took in that breath
And shattered all Death with his life
So long, you wages of sin
Go on, don’t you come back again
I’ve been raised and redeemed
You’ve lost all your sting
To the victor of the battle

Another plug for The Writer's Almanac

2009-03-11T08:57:00.000-05:00

Besides interesting poetry, there are fun little snippets from history about those who have contributed to the written word. I never knew the book below was written by a woman. To check our or subscribe to The Writer's Almanac, click here.

It was on this day in 1818 that Mary Shelley published her gothic horror novel Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus. In 1816, 19-year-old Mary and her lover Percy Shelley were staying with Lord Byron in Switzerland. It rained a lot, and they were stuck in the house. They read ghost stories, and Lord Byron got the idea that they should each write a ghost story themselves. Byron and Percy Shelley gave up quickly, but Mary spent many days trying to think of a story. One night the two men had a conversation about the spontaneous generation of life and the possibility of re-animating a corpse. Mary went to bed, but she couldn't sleep, and she had a vision: "I saw the pale student of unhallowed arts kneeling beside the thing he had put together. I saw the hideous phantasm of a man stretched out, and then, on the working of some powerful engine, show signs of life and stir with an uneasy, half-vital motion." And she went to work writing. Two years later, on this day in 1818, Frankenstein was published in London, and it became an instant best-seller. Mary Shelley was 21 years old.

Sometimes I hear the gospel in songs, and I weep.

2009-02-18T18:03:00.000-06:00

This song was playing as I drove today. It got to me. Especially the parts in bold.

If you don't own music by this man, you should.

Andrew Peterson

Love and Thunder

High Noon

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the deep of the valley was bright
When the mouth of the tomb
Shouted, "Glory, the Groom is alive"
So long, you wages of sin
Go on, don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed
You've lost all your sting
To the victor of the battle
At high noon in the valley
In the valley of the shadow

Now the demons, they danced in the darkness
When that last ragged breath left his lungs
And they reveled and howled
At the war that they thought they had won
But then, in the dark of the grave
The stone rolled away
In the still of the dawn on the greatest of days

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the shadows were shot through with light
When Jesus took in that breath
And shattered all Death with his life
So long, you wages of sin
Go on, don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed
You've lost all your sting
To the victor of the battle
High noon in the valley of the shadow

Let the people rejoice
Let the heavens resound
Let the name of Jesus, who sought us
And freed us forever ring out
All praise to the fighter of the night
Who rides on the light
Whose gun is the grace of the God of the sky

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the shadows were shot through with light
When the mouth of the tomb
Shouted, "Glory, the Groom is alive"
So long, you wages of sin
I said go on, don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed
All praise to the king
The victor of the battle
High noon in the valley
In the valley of the shadow

Good things

2009-02-16T14:47:00.000-06:00

For my birthday 2 years ago, my friend Amy Hatcher gave me this Gerber Daisy plant. Several times a year it blooms for me and the flower lasts an impressively long time. This bloom opened up on Friday.

Why New Testament History & Theology is Important

2009-02-02T15:13:00.000-06:00

Today in class I learned one of those little jewels of information.

Jesus was born in 6 B.C.

How could he do that, I wondered? My friend Hayden said it's because he is God.

My professor said that the theologians did the math wrong. King Herod at the time only ruled until 4 B.C., so if Jesus was born in 0 B.C., then Herod would have already been dead and the order to kill all of the boys would never have happened, Joseph and the fam never would have had to flee to Egypt, etc. I didn't really want to know all of that. Jesus being born in 6 B.C. is funny all on it's own.

Last Chance Harvey

2009-01-25T15:37:00.000-06:00

I saw this movie with Karen yesterday, and it was wonderful. It showed a desire for companionship and relationship. It portrays the risk and fear that is involved with starting a new relationship or with trying to reconcile a past one. There's wit, charm, and redemption, all things I like in a good movie.

My favorite line is said by Emma Thompson's character and is something to the effect of I think I'm more comfortable feeling disappointed, and I guess I'm mad at you for taking that away.

The movie is well written and Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman do their usual best. Go see it!

Things I don't relate to

2009-01-21T09:33:00.000-06:00

I am sitting in a class on Job this week. Yesterday we discussed Job's anguish in losing his children, etc. One thing he asks,

"Did you not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese?" (10:10)

I can't say I've ever felt exactly like this.

5 days 'til B-day

2009-01-16T09:52:00.000-06:00

In just 5 short days the beer I brewed with my Dad will be ready. It really is the the gift that keeps on giving, at least 47 times. Cheers!

Worshipful Anger

2009-01-14T15:14:00.000-06:00

Apparently I'm angry with God. I say apparently, because it makes me uncomfortable to straightforwardly and honestly state that I am really pissed at God. I keep my anger at a low simmer, because if I let it loose I think it might scare the hell out of me. My counselor asked if I thought it was possible to rage against God in worship. This question makes me uncomfortable, because I think it just might be possible. It might be the most worshipful thing I could do right now. I welcome as well as implore you for your thoughts.

I put this post in the hopeful thoughts category, because I think it's exactly where it belongs. Think about that for a moment.

A delightful, laugh-out-loud post

2009-01-13T16:46:00.000-06:00

I was reading Margie Haack's post today and was cheered! Give it a read and be cheered too!

http://toadsdrinkcoffee.blogspot.com/2009/01/buried-not-dead.html

Anyone need a babysitter?

2009-01-12T15:00:00.000-06:00

Owen loves to come over to my apartment, because I've got all of the cool toys!

Lazy Saturday Afternoons

2009-01-11T16:19:00.000-06:00

This last Saturday I roasted my first turkey, because I had the time! I seasoned it with lemon-pepper, salt, and butter. Out of the oven came 12 pounds of goodness. Snaps to Karen for helping me with planning and carving.

New Year's Resolution

2009-01-07T11:32:00.000-06:00

cyn⋅i⋅cal

–adjective

1.	like or characteristic of a cynic; distrusting or disparaging the motives of others.

2.	showing contempt for accepted standards of honesty or morality by one's actions, esp. by actions that exploit the scruples of others.

3.	bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.

For too many years I have prided myself on being cynical and sarcastic. Granted, there is much humor to be found in a well-stated cynical comment, but the problem lies in the darkness of my heart. I believe a little too much in the cynical comment. It's a means of protection against disappointment. It disregards hope. This year I resolve to choose to trust the motives of others unless given reason not to. I resolve to face my issues of contempt, for self and others. I resolve to forge my identity in the cross and not in the sharpness of my tongue. One of my professors paraphrased Jerram Barrs as saying that there is no place in the Christian heart for cynicism, because we have One whom we look to whose motives and actions can be completely trusted and enable us to believe that it won't always be this way (my paraphrase of his paraphrase). Here's to it not always being this way!

Home

2008-12-27T11:40:00.000-06:00

I think it was sometime in September when one of my professors asked me where home was. He clarified by explaining that home doesn't necessarily have to be where I grew up or where my parents live, but rather, he wanted to know the place that felt like home to me. In my head, that place was Lincoln, NE. However, after spending the past 6 days in Norfolk, I've changed my definition of home, from being a place to being an experience or emotion. Home is where I exhale. It's where I no longer have to try, but can simply be. Home is Lazlo's with the Seebohms. Home is the couch at Renae and Jason's. Home is the Taylor house in Norfolk, when it is brimming with friends. Home is waking up in my bed in Norfolk, the getting up to eat the very familiar waffles I grew up with. Home is the anticipation of seeing Kate and Joie in a few days. Home is where I don't doubt myself or my friends affection for me. It's so good to be home.

Attachment Theory

2008-12-13T09:07:00.000-06:00

After wrapping up a semester, I have looked back a little as to what I have learned. There's a lot. I think it might have changed me in some really good ways. One of the things that have brought me peace is attachment theory. Attachment is usually something associated with children, but this semester it was proposed that the need to feel attached is not just something kids need, but people of all ages. Attachment asks, "are you available to me", "will you be emotionally responsive to me", and "will you engage with me"? Attachment is someone being emotionally present and connected to you, regardless of circumstance. This allows for someone to be in an uncomfortable situation and still feel comfortable. For me, that would be something like being at a large gathering where I don't know many people. If I am securely attached to someone, I can navigate and engage with people. Attachment also allows someone to share deeply without being afraid of how they will respond.

We studied all of this in the context of marriage, marriage being a place to build a secure attachment, and to admit the need for attachment. Attachment between a couple leads to intimacy which builds a marriage. However, let's face it, I'm not married. But I still have a need to feel attached. Maybe attachment is what drives us to get married. I know that this past semester was more emotionally difficult than I could have imagined. I know that part of it is because I left a place, where amongst a small group of people I felt attached. I've yet to attach in St. Louis yet, but that's okay, because it's all part of the the process of moving and change. Change can disrupt in a good, yet painful way.

I feel like I should give props to the author who got all of this swirling in my head. Sue Johnson wrote Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. I think it's a worthy read for anyone whose married. For singles, it may scare you about being married or idealize it, so if you read it, be discerning.

It's not over 'til it's over, and it's over!

2008-12-11T13:48:00.000-06:00

10 minutes ago I finished semester #1 of 4. It feels good! I will now watch brainless television until I have to start reading some books for my Job class.

Hope and Grief

2008-12-08T16:01:00.000-06:00

I am always attempting to find a way to hang on to hope. Hope asks us to look at the bigger picture in the midst of the in your face details. As I look back on my first semester at Covenant, I am forced to reflect on the topic of grief. Grief came up in class way more than hope. It seemed to be the answer to way too many questions. How does a person overcome A, B, or C, well they need to grieve. They need to face the pain, the disappointment, the unmet expectations, the unfulfilled hope, the sin they've experienced or doled out. There is a call to honestly looking at your heart, at what you long for (the beginning of hope) and desire, and to own and accept the fact that it hasn't happened or can't happen. Hope tells us that the world isn't as it should be, and that it won't always be this way. Grief happens in the middle. We must acknowledge how much it hurts that we are in the not yet phase of our hope of glory. Because of the entry of sin into the world I experience pain, suffering, hate, cruelty. Our suffering often gets undermined or minimized because it is compared to something that is seen as much worse. But, it's our suffering and pain to bear. Sucking it up won't make it all better. I believe that I must look at the disappointment I feel towards myself and others. There is a time to grieve, and it's not just at funerals. If we don't look at what hurts straight in the face, how can we then hope for what will be. We need to grieve what has been lost, so that hope is realized. And it really does hurt.

Feliz Navidad

2008-12-03T14:50:00.000-06:00

We got a little festive in the apartment yesterday.

What I learned in class today . . . Abraham was a pimp!

2008-11-25T12:12:00.000-06:00

Dr. Michael Williams, my God and His Word professor, whom I deeply respect, said in class today, and I quote, "Abraham pimped out his wife twice." After much snickering amongst my classmates and I, he said, "That's the right word for it!"

Deserved Mockery

2008-11-20T10:32:00.000-06:00

With the cold weather comes cold weather clothes, most of which I like. However, the mock turtleneck should never have come to pass. From dictionary.com the word mock means:

1.	to attack or treat with ridicule, contempt, or derision.

2.	to ridicule by mimicry of action or speech; mimic derisively.

3.	to mimic, imitate, or counterfeit.

4.	to challenge; defy: His actions mock convention.

5.	to deceive, delude, or disappoint.

I would contend that mock turtlenecks fall into the definition of ridicule, contempt and derision. What were the designers thinking?! I feel like the only other thing I have to say is dickies?

[polldaddy poll=1123368]

Two J's in a pod

2008-11-18T11:19:00.000-06:00

This last weekend Karen and I managed to do not one, but two spontaneous activities, both involving food. First, on Saturday we went to Chick-fil-A. Then, on Sunday night, after bringing the partridge (grilled steak, mashed potatoes, cooked carrots with brown sugar and butter, and a bottle of $6 wine) we went to The Cheese Cake Factory. It was 8:30 p.m. and very dark when we left, so we were rather impressed with ourselves. Who says J's are spontaneous?!

got hope?

2008-11-16T14:24:00.000-06:00

As I was driving to church this morning, I saw this bumper sticker. It took me a second before I saw the fine print of Obama's website. It made me sad.

Romans 8:18-25 says this:

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.

22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

My hope is in someone greater than Barack Obama, and I will wait with patience.

Today in history

2008-11-13T12:08:00.000-06:00

I'm a big fan of knowing what happened long ago on today's date. Here's what happened today.		On Nov. 13, 1956, the Supreme Court struck down laws calling for racial segregation on public buses. On Nov. 13, 1850, Robert Louis Stevenson, the Scottish author best known for his novel "Treasure Island", was born. Following his death on Dec. 3,1894, his obituary appeared in The Times.

On this date in:
1775	U.S. forces captured Montreal during the American Revolution.
1789	Benjamin Franklin wrote in a letter to a friend, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
1856	Supreme Court Justice Louis D. Brandeis was born in Louisville, Ky.
1927	The Holland Tunnel linking New York City and New Jersey beneath the Hudson River opened to the public.
1942	The minimum draft age was lowered from 21 to 18.
1969	Vice President Spiro T. Agnew accused network TV news departments of bias and distortion, and urged viewers to lodge complaints.
1974	Karen Silkwood, a technician and union activist at the Kerr-McGee Cimarron plutonium plant near Crescent, Okla., was killed in a car crash.
1977	The comic strip "Li'l Abner" by Al Capp appeared in newspapers for the last time.
1979	Former California Gov. Ronald Reagan announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination.
1982	The Vietnam Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, D.C.
1985	A mudslide triggered by the Nevado del Ruiz volcano buried the city of Armero, Colombia, killing some 23,000 people.
1997	The Disney musical "The Lion King" opened on Broadway.
1998	President Bill Clinton agreed to pay Paula Jones $850,000, ending the four-year legal battle over her sexual harassment lawsuit that spurred impeachment proceedings against him. Clinton did not admit guilt.
2001	Afghanistan's ruling Taliban abandoned the capital, Kabul, without a fight, allowing U.S.-backed northern alliance fighters to take over the city.
2002	Saddam Hussein's government agreed to the return of international weapons inspectors to Iraq.
2003	Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore, who had refused to remove a granite Ten Commandments monument from the state courthouse, was thrown off the bench by a judicial ethics panel for having "placed himself above the law."

A plug for The Secret Life of Bees

2008-11-04T12:20:00.000-06:00

On Sunday night, Suzy, Nathaniel and I went and saw the movie The Secret Life of Bees. This was a most anticipated movie for me after getting completely sucked into the book, written by Sue Monk Kidd. This movie is about relationship, healing, and redemption. It's a crier, people. Don't get thrown off by the odd spirituality portrayed in it, be discerning, because this one is worth seeing!

Toilet Paper Sin

2008-11-01T12:28:00.000-05:00

I loathe buying toilet paper these days. When did it get so freakishly expensive?! I feel like it's such a waste of money considering it's purpose. Plus, it seems like it's even more expensive in St. Louis. Because I hate buying TP so much, it usually takes me a long time to choose what brand I will select. It's gotten so bad, that I compare the price to the overall square feet I could take home. I know what I want, Cottonelle. In my opinion, it's the best, but it's also the priciest. And, it's got a puppy on it. Last Wednesday I settled on Quilted Northern. The commercials are dumb, and who cares if your TP is quilted. I went for the package of 12 double rolls (450 SQ FT, 300 2-ply sheets per roll.) It cost me about $8. Toilet paper, it now costs me time and money.

Sadly, due to its cost, I find myself wanting so somehow ration it, and make 3 square rules for its use. When you live with multiple women in one dwelling, there is usually one person who uses more TP that everyone else. I'm not sure how you can prove it, but I resent her just a little bit. Look what this world is coming to. My sin over toilet paper: greed, coveting, hate, temptation to steal, lack of trust.

half-way through

2008-10-30T14:00:00.000-05:00

The books on the left I've managed to read. The one's on the right, however . . . I'm workin' on it.

My professors have tried to make me feel better about the reading load by telling me they could have assigned more. Seriously? Seriously.

Failblog.org

2008-10-18T09:08:00.000-05:00

My classmate, Craig, told me that his students had really been enjoying this blog. Check it out, it's definitely good for a few laughs.

failblog.org

Hope

2008-10-09T10:19:00.000-05:00

I have been reading The Healing Path by Dan Allender for my Intro to Counseling class. The topic of hope has come up, and some of you know that hope is as much an area of interest for me as it is a challenge. Allender has come up with a definition of hope that resonates with the tension I feel towards it.

He writes, "Hope is not naive desire but a calculated risk that declares, whatever the loss, it is better than remaining where we are."

The tension for me is in the risk. I know that pain may be right around the corner, but it is better to experience pain than continue in my desires without taking any action. When I choose to hope, sometimes I experience pain, but more often than not, I experience a hint of my ultimate desire being met: to be known, to be in deep relationship with others. Even in the pain, I feel more alive than when I remain paralyzed by the risk of hoping, refusing to put myself out there, where it is safe, and I am ambivalent, numb, static.

Hoping is embracing the life to which we are called. Refusing to hope is remaining dead to our hearts.

So hope people! It may hurt, but it will be worth it!

The Bible makes me nauseous

2008-10-07T11:35:00.000-05:00

So, for my Old Testament History and Theology class, I get to read the entire OT in a semester. That means I have had to read 10-20 chapters per day. Today I am in Leviticus. I got to chapter 13, about leprosy and other skin diseases. I had to skim. I had to skim 2 chapters of the Word of God. It was making me sick. What if the Levitical priests of the time had weak stomachs? If they threw up from looking at the lepers, didn't that make them unclean, too? I could never be a dermatologist.

Tomorrow I will read about bodily discharge. Now there's something I can handle!

quote of the day

2008-09-18T10:13:00.000-05:00

"You don't know what the triggers are until you can identify them."

A doctor on Good Morning America talking about migraines.

and the word of the day is . . .

2008-09-16T11:03:00.000-05:00

perspicuity

The definition given to me this morning by Dr. Williams is, "an unclear word for clarity". Cracks me up!

licking

2008-09-09T14:38:00.000-05:00

Last night I learned that 2 of my roommates enjoy licking people when they are unaware they are being licked. It was a surprisingly long conversation for such a topic. Strategy was discussed. Licking people in swimming pools is advantageous, not only because they are wet and are less likely to notice, but because chlorine kills germs. Having one or more friends join in the licking of an unlikely victim can be fun, so I've heard. Licking elbows, also a good time.

I do not plan on ever joining in on this sort of "fun".

I have this tight feeling in my throat

2008-09-08T11:31:00.000-05:00

Homesick (hōm'sĭk')

adjective

experiencing a longing for one's home during a period of absence from it

acutely longing for one's family or home

longing to return home

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I say that distance makes you realize what amazing friends I had back home, and how I kinda took it all for granted.

On Saturday night I came back from an all Covenant BBQ. I watched the last 2 episodes of Gilmore Girls and realized that in saying good-bye to the show, I was dealing with my longing to be in Lincoln where I'm known and loved. I have begun to grieve the loss of close community, and at the same time I hope that it will be created here in St. Louis. I have marked my calendar for my fall break trip home in October. I can't wait!

Lincoln People--thank you for being my friend! You are each amazing, and you each contribute something invaluable to my life.

Oddly, my life right now reflects a country song. I miss my home, I miss my friends, and I miss my dog. But, not to worry, I have beer to drown my sorrows in (just kidding).

First days

2008-09-01T15:19:00.000-05:00

On Thursday I had my first day of classes at CTS. I so wished I had some brand new #2 pencils to sharpen for the occasion, but alas, I purchased mechanical pencils. I also bought highlighters and new ink gel pens. I had an uncontained giddiness and idealism that has yet to be jaded. I was alert (albeit freezing) for both of my classes, my brain whirring with all that there was to be learned. There were hip new 3-ring notebooks for each class and unmarred syllabi to put in them.

On my first day, here's what I learned:

I have amazing, passionate professors who want me to succeed. One of them, Dr. Williams wrote the book Far as the Curse is Found, which I have been reading this August.

For a realist, I'm very idealistic about this season of school.

Take snacks and a long-sleeved layer to 3 hour classes.

This is going to be great.

Hopefully, forthcoming, is a picture of Karen and I on our way to class together. I recalled the pics my mom used to take of my brother and I on our bikes (I had a banana seat) ready to pedal our way to our first day of elementary school, backpacks hanging over both shoulders, attired in new back-to-school clothes. I bought a new t-shirt for Thursday.

a barista again

2008-08-26T09:39:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, just after church, I got a call from Kaldi's Coffeeshop informing me that I got the job I had applied and interviewed for. I asked what my dress-code would be. The response was, "T-shirts, as long as they are appropriate, and shoes, for your safety". I love this dress-code! Yesterday was my first day. I worked for 6 hours and was completely wiped out. I go back today for another 6 hours. I think I'm gonna like it here.

Sundays are beautiful days

2008-08-25T10:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was great. After church I gathered with a smattering of PCA peeps and Covenant students to go on a float trip. In Missouri when you go down a river, whether it be on an inner-tube, canoe, or kayak, it is referred to as a "float trip". When you move to a new place you have to acquire the lingo. Anyway, I rented a kayak for the day and floated down the Meramec River. The kayak was a sit-a-top which is really quite cool. They tip more easily and take on lots of water, I tipped once. I had a great time with two old friends and many new ones. All in all, it was a great day.

I figured I should update you

2008-08-22T11:45:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm still here in St. Louis awaiting the start of classes next Thursday. Tonight is the President's Reception (semi-formal) and tomorrow is orientation. Then on Tuesday I will sign up for classes.

In the last two weeks I have managed to watch Seasons 3-6 of Gilmore Girls. I feel like I live in Stars Hollow and that Lorelai Gilmore is my friend. Here's what I've learned from spending so much time with my new fictional friends (television and movies can reveal a lot about one's self, especially since exaggeration of one's perceptions of the world make things so clear):

1. I wish I were more freely expressive and aware of how I'm feeling. I wish when I was angry I could express that anger in the moment, but not in hurtful way to others.

2. Words are powerful. It's so easy to hurt others with uncareful speech.

3. Small towns may not be so bad.

4. I'm glad I didn't grow up in New England in a really really wealthy family. The unhealthy obligations of the rich are so insincere.

5. I hate when pride keeps people from resolving relational conflicts. The show actually induced tears during several episodes when you could see two people in pain over stupid fights, and they missed out on so much because of it (I know it was scripted and fictional).

6. Jeep Wranglers are cool.

7. If Lorelai Gilmore were my mom she would be turning 48 this year instead of 60. I wonder what our relationship would be like if she were a teenager when I was born and brought me up as a single-mom. I'm thankful it's not the case, but TV and make many things look appealing.

8. Manipulation isn't worth it.

9. I wouldn't want to try to attend an Ivy League University, I don't like school that much.

10. I love it when people say what is true, even when it's hard to hear, because that's one way you know that they really see, know, and love you.

Well, I'm here.

2008-08-12T12:02:00.000-05:00

I arrived at my new "home" at Covenant Seminary on Friday afternoon about 3:30. Thankfully, after leaving such dear friends in Lincoln, Kate and Lou (2 former NE roomies) were here to meet me. Talk about easy!

I was very excited to finally be in St. Louis, and the transition is now full upon me. I have met 2 of my 3 roommates and they are both great. However, it's still not easy. I feel like every interaction with new people takes extreme effort. I feel like I have been called to be courageous. It's a little bit lonely at times, and I have very little to occupy my time. I watched all of Season 3 of Gilmore Girls from Saturday to Monday. I'm still searching for a job. That's a bit stressful. I started reading "Far as the Curse is Found", since it is required reading for many of my classes. I have sought out Trader Joe's. I went to church Sunday at Crossroads PCA. I liked it. Eric and Elizabeth and Melynda formerly of Grace Chapel were there. That was good. I can't wait for classes to start, to have a full routine.

That's the update. I miss all of you in Lincoln more than I expected.

Sorry, Gilmore Girls

2008-08-05T09:31:00.000-05:00

I'm too obsessed to blog.

The Writer's Almanac

2008-07-24T14:13:00.000-05:00

Here's another thing I like about NPR. Every morning, just about 9:00, Garrison Keiler reads a poem and tells me what happened today in the lives of writers current and past. There's the link as well as today's poem. I like it.

http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/

The Good Nights

by Joseph Mills

On the good nights
when the bottle's empty
we always want
just a little more,
half a glass,
a few sips,
a taste.
We know
this desire
can be dangerous
to pursue,
that it can make
mornings difficult,
so usually we
brush our teeth
let the dog in,
lock the doors,
but sometimes,
even as we say
We really should
get ready for bed,
instead of loading
the dishwasher
we will search
for the corkscrew,
all the while
shaking our heads
in wonder
at this willingness
to ignore the clocks
and the fact we have
to work tomorrow,
this irresponsibility,
this evidence
even after all these years
of the unquenchable desire
for each other's company.

Clearly Crystal

2008-07-23T13:52:00.000-05:00

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="604" caption="Gina & Crystal"][/caption]

I had a dicken's of a time getting a picture of Crystal for this post. Don't google her, it's weird.

Brief History:

I met Crystal just a few short years ago. Maybe just 2. She and I are both from Norfolk, though I had come to Lincoln already by the time she set foot on Nebraska soil. We got to know each other through leading worship at Grace Chapel and through what is called "Bible Study", though I don't think it's an accurate name for our Wednesday night gatherings.

What I like about YOU!

Crystal is an amazingly talented worship leader, and what especially makes her so is that she can screw up in front of a crowd, acknowledge it, and win them over with her humanity. There just isn't an ounce of visible arrogance in her. She will talk to anybody and make them feel like there the only one around.

Crystal is full of pep and enthusiasm. She makes you want to turn your frown upside down and giggle. And she's witty! Cracks me right up! Very few people can bring out my playful side, but she is one of them. It may be genetic.

My favorite side of Crystal is the thoughtful introspective side. She makes me want to read the Bible, and frankly, that is not something I have done often lately. I am attracted to her relationship with her Savior. The waters run deep, and I admire her for persevering through the struggles and lonely places that have produced much fruit. She is great at asking questions that help me to work out my faith, so that what I believe is reflected in what I do.

She is gracious and always believes the best about me. I can't help but love her!

Gina-G

2008-07-19T15:33:00.000-05:00

Brief History:

I met Gina at a Bible Study I was leading in the summer of 2005. She and her husband Scott had just moved to Lincoln from Texas. I felt like I connected with her like a bumble bee and and an open can of Coke. We quickly found out we had quite a bit in common, and I desperately hoped she would like me as much as I liked her. Gina is an amazing friend.

What I like about YOU!

Sometimes I think I get way more out of our friendship than Gina does. She makes me feel like me. What I mean by that, is that it is so okay to be myself around Gina, because I know she enjoys who I am. I can talk dogs, kayaking, coffee, beer, spiritual failings/struggles, and she's right there with me. She's safe. She likes all the things I talk about too, and it makes me feel more at home in my own skin.

Gina has one of the best senses of humor I know. She's the sort of friend that you want all of your friends to know because she is an absolute blast to hang out with. She's one I want to be at every party I'm at. If she wasn't married to such an amazing man, I'd want to have her as a roommate.

She is one whom I have entrusted the deep parts of my heart, where all the pain is. And she can handle it. She lets me be there. She reciprocates as well, letting me in to her heart as well. It just makes me like her all the more. She's direct, and honest and makes me want to love God and people.

What I've seen in the last 17 hours

2008-07-17T12:39:00.000-05:00

Joie and I made the road trip trek from Lincoln to Atlanta. We left Wednesday around 2 p.m. and pulled into Shalimar Drive (my brother's street in Atlanta) around 7 a.m. Nebraska time. On the way we saw: cars, Covenant Seminary, the Arch in St. Louis, Covenant College in Chattanooga, TN, Nashville, TN, McDonald's, KENTUCKY!!! (my first time).

We stared at my new TomTom GPS, which felt like a video game, for most of the trip.

Here's what we listened to. Each time I road trip I like to make a special mix. I really like Track 02:) There is also a song on there (either track 10 or 12 I think) that starts with "You're pretty good-lookin' for a girl". Love it!

Track 02
I'm Alright Jo Dee Messina Bye Bye
1234 Feist The Reminder
When the Saints Sara Groves Tell Me What You Know
Falling Slowly Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová Once
Least Complicated Indigo Girls 1200 Curfews
Don't Panic Coldplay Garden State
Track 10
Track 12
Track 01
Viva la Vida Coldplay Viva la Vida
Track 06
If I Had A Boat Eddie From Ohio Portable EFO Show(Disc 2)
Sweet Lorraine Patty Griffin Living With Ghosts
The Day Don & Lori Chaffer & Hey Ruth Old Stuff
High Noon Andrew Peterson Love & Thunder

Joie, Jojo, Jojg

2008-07-15T13:07:00.000-05:00

[caption id="attachment_128" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Joie & Foxy Lady"][/caption]

Brief History: I met Joie in 2003 upon returning from Zambia. She was to be my roommate, and we would share a closet. After out other two roommates married (not each other), we moved down the street into an apartment, in which we shared a room and a closet. Eight months or so later, we moved again, this time into a house I bought. We each had our own room and own closet. As of June 1st of this year, Joie and I no longer are roommates, though after 5 years of sharing life and space, I still can't help but refer to her as my roommate.

What I like about YOU!

Joie is one of the most passionate people I know. She is passionate in both the ups and downs of her life. She is passionate about people, dance, church, reading, making a great meal, children (who are people too), traveling, art. I don't think anything in the world is blah to her. She sees the world, she experiences it. I think it's what feeds her passion. Joie is amazing at relationships with people, though she might tell you otherwise, let me inform you that she is gif-ted at getting people to open up their hearts so that you can really get a glimpse of them. She's done it with me. Jojg is one of the most compassionate and gracious people I know. She rarely jumps to conclusions about someone's circumstances. At the same time, she doesn't let you off of the hook when what you need is to be challenged about an attitude, action, excuse, hard-heartedness. I like to be right, and I think I always am, but Joie points out the limited reach of my conclusions. It humbles me in the exact way I need to be humbled.

Joie is generous. She truly lays down her life for others. I like to choose the path of comfort and laziness, but Joie will be there, go out of her way, lose sleep, whatever it takes for someone she cares about.

Joie is not afraid to be silly, just for the fun of it. She sings, she dances, she would live a musical if she could. She helps me to slow down and enjoy the moment, have fun, not worry so much about trying so hard.

Joie makes me feel really known and really loved. She is an outstanding friend.

5:25 a.m. I stepped in dog poo

2008-07-15T12:07:00.000-05:00

This morning, in the dark, on the front door rug, when I let Cash out to go pottie.

Mrs. Pennock I presume?

2008-07-05T13:30:00.000-05:00

Charity

Brief History: We first met while I was home on a 3 week furlough from Zambia. She came over when I cooked Zambian food. Lou thought we'd really connect. Upon returning home permanently from Zambia she became my roommate. However, I didn't recall ever having met her before. We were roommates for just shy of 2 years when she married her husband Andy and moved to North Carolina.

What I like about YOU!

Charity is the only person to whom I ever have given up the mother hen power. What I mean by that is when I live with a group of gals, I am the mother hen. I make sure that all of the household logistics are taken care of. Cleaning, shopping, bills, etc. Charity was the mother hen when we lived together. It was so refreshing. I trusted her completely, and became so reliant upon her, I rarely knew my own schedule. I would ask her what I was doing next week. She didn't know either, but because of her role in my life, I assumed she would and disregarded all time organizational skills that should have been mine. It was lovely.

Charity is smart. Really smart. She makes you think about things you would never think about, or at least things I would never think about. Such as intentionally living in a small space and optimizing it. I think she even knows the escape and defense plan if Lincoln, NE is ever attacked by Zombies. She really gets what's on the news too, she sees the bigger picture of the world and the people in it. She just knows how to think.

One of my absolute favorite things about Charity is her ability to ask really great questions. She asks great questions in such a way that you aren't hesitant to give an answer. You know she really wants to know. And her questions get was down into the core of your heart. There are many memories around our kitchen table, hashing out life, and answering Charity's questions. I value her take on my world, because she helps me understand it. I often wish she were in Lincoln, because I don't always know the questions, and it always seemed to come so easily to her.

Charity introduced me to the pursuit of great wine. That's all I'll say on that one.

I like that Charity can watch TV alone and laugh out loud just as loud as she would if there were someone else in the room.

Delightful.

We call her RT

2008-07-01T17:23:00.000-05:00

Rebecca. Her name starts with R, so I thought it would be appropriate for her to go next.

Brief History: I met Rebecca in 2003 after returning from Zambia. She and her husband lived right next door to my roommates and I on 8th Street. There was way more history there than I realized. She quickly morphed from neighbor to friend. For several years now she and her family have been apart of sharing dinner with me and some other folks once a week. When I'm with her I can't help but be real.

What I like about YOU!

I like Rebecca's gitter-done mentality. She seizes the opportunity to complete. I have few friends who are like me in this way, so I feel a special connection or maybe I just feel more normal and that's relieving.

I love her hospitality. When I go to her place to eat, she brings it all. Homemade everything, uber yummy. We also shares my love for hotdogs.

Rebecca understands what it means to lay down her life for others. She chases after 4-year-old Livia every day, often to the point of exhaustion, but she keeps plugging on. On top of that, she will always, always be there is you need her. She'll be there for you even if it just makes things easier.

Speaking of her 4-year-old, I love her honesty about the challenges of parenting (and marriage). I feel like I always get real life when I'm with Rebecca. She doesn't downplay how stinkin' hard it is to be an extroverted stay-at-home-mom with a spirited child that is living out her sinful nature. I love how she openly communicates what she needs. Such as needing to go out with the girls, away from her child, and drink margaritas.

I mentioned that Rebecca is extroverted. Well, let me tell you that her extroversion is delightful. If she hears us chatting on the front porch she well pop her head around the screen door and either inform us that she's putting on her shoes and will be right over, or berates us about being out there and not calling her. I love it.

Rebecca has the non-emergency police hotline memorized. I think if they still existed, Rebecca's would be a McGruff House.

Bios of my buds

2008-06-30T14:24:00.000-05:00

Forthcoming over the next few days & weeks will be biographies of my friends. I often ask interviewees what their friends would say about them, and I wonder how on the mark they are. So, in an effort to allow my friends to give truthful answers and not have to assume how I think and feel about them there will be biographies. As a disclaimer, I hate thinking of my friends as buddies. My thesis chair in graduate school called my pal once. It made me squirm. I couldn't think of a b-word for friends that was appropriate. I did think of an inappropriate b-word, but Bios of my B-yotches might be crossing the line. The bios come in no particular order of how I feel about my friends, so don't read into it people. Below is the first.

Renae

First of all, she hates having her picture taken.

Brief History: I've know Renae for 10 years now. We figured that out last week. We had a moment. We lived together for 3 years while we both attended grad school at UNL. Then I went to Zambia, but she came and visited me for 3 weeks! After moving back to Lincoln in 2003 we lived together for another 2 years. I moved down the street and then a bit further down the street. Now I'm living with her and her husband for the remaining few weeks/months of my time in Lincoln. You know you have a good friend if they'll stick by you for 10 years and let you move in when you parent's won't (just kidding about the parent thing, but I really can't move back home).

What I like about YOU!

Renae is an idealist and a dreamer. Very opposite of me. But, I admire her for it. As a realist I feel restricted by reality, so I hesitate to freely dream.

Renae is one of the wisest people I know. I think it's a gift, really. She has an uncanny ability to listen and really hear what you tell her, and she speaks some incredible insight into your life. I credit Renae with being one of the primary influences on my understanding who I am and liking that person.

Renae is an amazing hostess. She goes big on parties. She is also artistically creative and will try her hand at most crafts, art projects, quilts. I love that she quilts.

Renae has a crazy memory. She can always give very vivid specific examples of when something happened and how it went down. She can find a paragraph or sentence in a book she read months or years ago in seconds, though there's no need because she just quoted it word for word

Renae is gracious, she is kind, she loves people well. She speaks what is in her heart, so you don't have to wonder if she likes you.

There are many more things that I love about Renae, but I'm only sharing a snippit to keep the mystery of Renae alive, leave you wanting more.

Angry with myself

2008-06-30T12:20:00.000-05:00

I learned something about myself this weekend as a pulled an open trailer full of my well-stewarded belongings to my parents' house for storage. About 25 miles outside of Norfolk I was bombarded and pummeled with rain. I had to pull over twice. It only lasted 10 minutes, 10 minutes that felt like 20 as I berated myself for not putting a tarp over my stuff, defending my decision with past negative experiences with tarps. The bottom line is that I made a decision that I thought was the best decision given the information I had. I usually make good decisions. I hate being wrong! My wisdom was faulty! Arrrg! I stayed mad at myself all the way into Norfolk and for a good hour after I arrived. I'm never one to hold a grudge or to stay angry, but I guess it's all different when I'm the one at fault with myself. Perhaps I need to have lower expectations for myself.

Satisfying Evening

2008-06-27T10:35:00.000-05:00

Last night after packing up stuff to move to Norfolk, I traversed back to my old neighborhood and hung out with the Zach's, who have been my favorite neighbors. Paul started a fire and we sat on the deck, drinking a bottle of wine that we confiscated from our friend Lou's wedding. Bianca was there. We talked about doing this very thing, and I so wanted it to really happen. I will definitely miss the community of my neighborhood when I move to St. Louis. Here's to the Zach's!

I will be staying in their home in the coming weeks. We may have to recreate the evening.

I saw Sex and the City the movie and I loved it!

2008-06-12T12:30:00.000-05:00

I realize that there is a lot of to do among Christian circles regarding the latest HBO film, Sex and the City. I am a huge fan of the TBS broadcast of the original HBO series, because of it's handy editing, removing what could be construed at soft porn. I was drawn to the premise of this show and this movie because I believe that the relationships between the 4 main characters are ones I'd like to emulate. They are very real, very vulnerable, very challenging, very present. I want to surround myself with friends like Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda. Furthermore, I want to be a friend like any of these 4 women. They are strong, but not afraid to show emotion. They are free to have differing opinions. They are willing to enter into the crap and shame of their friends' hearts, unwaveringly. They know when to push and when back off, and when to push again. They let each other make bad choices, and then they don't judge them when they fall on their face. They get mad when they're mad, they're not passive-aggressive conflict avoiders. They fight and they forgive. Once they reconcile, it's over, that's it. They show up when one needs the other, even if it means great sacrifice. Simply, they love each other really, really well.

The movie, sure there's sex in it, graphic sex. I expected there to be. It's called Sex and the City. I'm a Christian, I paid money to see it, and I'd like to see it again. It's a film of love, friendship, honesty, forgiveness, healing, and hope. Sounds a little Christian to me.

moving: a haiku

2008-05-30T12:44:00.000-05:00

boxes, packing tape

stacked up and separated

a home now a house

Woe is me. I'm starting to pack.

2008-05-20T12:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I started packing. I have been putting it off, thinking, "there's tons of time". Two weeks. Two weeks! Crap, and I have a ton of glassware! So, I started going through my closet and separating clothes. I packed up my books and whittled them down to just one box that gets to travel to St. Louis. It took me 2 hours!

Emotionally, honestly, this is harder than I thought. It's closure that I really don't want to have. Good-bye to the first house I've ever owned. I'll stop there. Baby steps to good-bye.

So, if anyone likes to pack. Let me know and come on over.

Still a kid.

2008-05-06T16:22:00.000-05:00

I got a birthday card in the mail today from my grandma. Inside was a crisp $5 bill. I will always feel like a kid when I get money in a birthday card from my grandma.

B. is 3!

2008-04-29T21:59:00.000-05:00

A birthday tribute to my favorite puppy dog who turns 3 today!

Breast Cancer Awareness Caddie?

2008-04-22T13:13:00.000-05:00

I know it's a Mary Kay thing, but couldn't we kill two birds with one stone?

41 bottles of beer in my closet, 41 bottles of beer . . . .

2008-04-13T21:43:00.000-05:00

Tonight I bottled my first batch of English Brown Ale. It smelled good, so I'm hopeful that in 2 weeks (or optimally, 21 days) I will have good tasting beer as well. I'm still not sure how to get a siphon to work well, but I managed. I had beer all over my kitchen floor, counter tops, sinks, stove. It was worth it. Sitting in the closet of my spare bedroom are 7 six packs minus one bottle. I was supposed to get approximately 53 bottles, but I due to extended boiling time and that darned siphoning, I ended up with 41.

I think it's about time to start my next batch.

P.S. One may also spell siphon, syphon.

Afraid of the dark?

2008-04-11T13:40:00.000-05:00

Okay, so something I have always wondered about down here in the Haymarket Scooter's is how long does the motion-sensor bathroom light stay on? Does it know when someone new comes in if the light is already on? I still don't know the answer, but this afternoon while I was using the potty, the light went off. The bathroom was completely black. I'm fine now.

Face Book

2008-04-02T13:11:00.000-05:00

I have a new obsession.

Bloggety, Blog, Blog

2008-03-25T12:24:00.000-05:00

I read several blogs today containing apologies for not blogging. Where is the pressure coming from that one feels like they have to excuse themselves for their lack of blogging. Enough of the guilt and shame from not blogging. I'll blog when I have something to say, and even then it may not be very interesting. You in blog world will probably still read it. You may not comment either, leaving me little motivation to blog again. We are more than our blogs! So blog off!

Sin?

2008-03-20T13:17:00.000-05:00

A customer left their USA Today at Scooter's today. In the Life section is an article about Americans' perceptions of sin. Only 81% of Americans who were polled thought that adultery was sin. A pastor (guess who if you'd like) thought that sin wasn't a word worth mentioning in his ginormous church, because people already know what they're doing wrong. I think this article definitely reflects a clear picture of how American culture views sin. It's worth reading, especially with the approach of Easter. How can Americans appreciate the weightiness and reality of Christ's suffering on the cross if they don't have a clear understanding of sin? Have I, being steeped in American culture, lost sight or reduced the significance of sin in my own life? Have I found ways of justifying my sin by simply not regarding it as sin? Unfortunately, yes. It's easier than taking a posture of humility and acknowledging that I have exulted myself, others, or something above the One True God and King, minimizing His sacrifice on my behalf. I hate humility, it makes me squirm. I don't like to admit I'm wrong, that I have wronged. I think Americans might just be creating a loophole to avoid the squirm into humility, and it just morphs into a false reality, blinding us from the truth. Oh, that we might take the posture of the prophet Jeremiah and cry out to God on behalf of our nation.

If you want to read the article, here's the link: http://www.usatoday.com/news/religion/2008-03-19-sin_N.htm

motorcycles and spring

2008-03-11T14:55:00.000-05:00

One of the odd things I like about the oncoming of Spring is the motorcyclists, whose joy is renewed as they go for a ride for no other reason than being on their bikes. They do the biker wave to other bikers also out in the not so frigid weather. It makes me happy, and motorcycles kinda scare me 'cause they go so fast.

progress regarding hope

2008-03-05T13:37:00.000-06:00

I think about the concept of hope a lot. I ask myself if it's okay to hope, if I am hopeful, or what I'm hoping in or for. A few months ago the idea of giving in to hope was too risky to embrace. However, much has changed in my heart and in how I see myself. I've flushed out a lot of crap regarding relationships, assumptions I place upon others to bear that frankly make the look pretty bad, shallow and heartless. It's because I was afraid to hope. I didn't want to feel pain or disappointment, so I killed all emotion, including hope. I killed the good to avoid what may or may not have been bad.

We move about wanting so badly for people to like us. In reality most actually do. You have to be intentionally rude or cold to be unliked. Unfortunately, I think it's more because we are self-consumed, we don't spend all that much time internally debriefing social exchanges and concluding how we feel about someone, unless we just met them. We, instead, dwell upon ourselves, debriefing how someone might have felt about us.

Here's what I now believe is true. People like me. I am enjoyable and lovely. God calls me his beloved. He thinks so highly of me, and measures my worth by doing everything in His power to assure that I will have life and relationship with Him. He had me in mind as his Son begged to have the cup of God's wrath taken away from him, and he didn't take it back. He poured out His wrath upon his Son, for me.

Am I liked? Does it matter? There is a God, and He is good, and he calls me beloved and his actions back it up.Can I live a life of hope? Yup. If my hope is in the right place. Can I endure pain and disappointment? I don't really want to, but in relationship to resting in the grace of God and never having to experience the wrath of God that I justly deserve, yeah.

A new wonderful obsession--The Dog Whisperer

2008-03-04T15:10:00.000-06:00

This man is changing my world. I am the pack leader.

sparkly white

2008-02-17T16:53:00.000-06:00

I absolutely love getting a new toothbrush. After my week long virus, I deemed it time to pitch my old brush and buy a new one. I don't mind dropping $5 on a new toothbrush, and I stand in the toothbrush aisle for at least 10 minutes browsing all of the possibilities. I have settled on Oral B for my brand of choice. The best thing about a new toothbrush--the first brushing. Ahhhhhh.

So, lately I've been thinking

2008-02-14T11:40:00.000-06:00

The stuff running through my mind lately is:

I really like black beans and rice.

When is it going to warm up? I really want to go outside and hang out with my neighbors.

Walkin' in Memphis, do I really feel the way I feel?

My friend Renae is a Momma.

Is it worth it to wash my car?

I'm really excited that Ben Loos is the new assistant pastor at Grace Chapel.

I think change is in the air. Will I freak out or trust God this time?

Is that sound coming from my hairdryer safe?

I should probably buy a new toothbrush.

The Humility Virus

2008-02-07T12:34:00.000-06:00

Since last Friday afternoon, I have been home sick with a virus. It has sapped me of all energy and most of my humor. I have had mock-able hair for those of you who enjoy picking on creative bedhead style. I have had to muster the energy to get out of bed for a drink of water, of which I would have only taken sips. I rejected offers of food, and subsisted on apple juice, chicken noodle soup, and fruit smoothies. I have not at all felt like myself. My dog has become over protective, rarely leaving my side, and barking at absolutely anyone who would arrive at our door. She has been given back very limited bed rights, too. If I'm in bed, she can be on the bed (I needed the companionship and body heat). My roommates have been ever willing to help, fetching me food and drink, shoveling, letting the dog in and out, feeding the dog, being empathetic--good stuff.I went to the doctor Monday afternoon to find out I had a virus that just needed to run its course. It's not virus she had seen as of late. I have decided that it is the Humility Virus. I feel absolutely helpless, and I hate asking for help. I have had to rely on others for an entire week. My bosses at work have been way to kind, letting me take all this time off and telling me to call if I need anything. Allowing me to go home Wednesday after a 2 1/2 hour attempt at working that left me in bed the rest of the day recovering. A male friend who had been over doing some handy-work commented to another guy that I actually looked like death (my self-esteem soared). We had a weekend guest who has no idea what I really look like and her ex-boyfriend has now seen me at my worst. I realize that looks mean little, but they are something of who we are, who we want to portray ourselves to be.In an effort not to neglect my blog any longer, this is what you get. I dedicate this one to Renae 22 who had been bored lately with the lack of updates, and though she has been the primary force-feeder in my house during the Humility Virus, she still thought I needed to buck up and blog to keep her entertained.I hope to see many of you in real life soon, and predict there may be some Brook sightings in the very near future. Until then, wash your hands regularly.

Why I like movies

2008-01-27T21:12:00.000-06:00

A few moments ago I finished watching a movie, the title is unimportant, and I recalled what it is that makes me love movies . . . it's that I find the parts of me that are missing, hidden beneath the obligations, roles, assumed expectations. I watch movies and I want to be more me, I want to be more honest with people, to touch their lives with words and actions that will impact them for a short moment or for a lifetime. I want to be courageous, I want to be whimsical, I want to make a mark. The characters in movies inspire me, in both their strengths and their faults, their victories and their over-dramatic sorrowful walks on dark rainy nights down lonely streets. They inspire me to breath deeply and experience my life, not just let time go by.

Reflections on the Sabbath

2008-01-20T17:50:00.000-06:00

I have been processing the purpose of the Sabbath, how I should spend it, what it's about, that sort of thing. On Friday night I attended a Sarah Groves concert at a local Seventh Day Adventist church. Their sabbath starts at sundown on Friday and ends at sundown on Saturday. Before Sarah was introduced, one of the students welcomed us and wished us a happy Sabbath. The feeling I got was one of rest, of an invitation to join with others and rest, a reprieve from busy. There is an unspoken commitment amongst the SDA folks to rest together, corporately. It seems that most Sunday Sabitarians pick and choose their own rules, very individualistic, no accountability to resting, no intentionality to rest and observe a day for the Lord. I want the Sabbath to mean something, but I want it to mean something corporately for me and the local Body with whom I worship. I'm in process, and today I rested.

So very sorry, but two things I love in one video.

2008-01-13T17:08:00.000-06:00

So, I was thinking . . . not lately.

2008-01-09T12:34:00.000-06:00

As of late I have been asked, "So, what's new?" and "So, what have you been up to?" I figure I'm supposed to give some sort of reply that is interesting and exciting. But, the reality is what I've been up to is:
taking down and putting away Christmas
deep cleaning and de-hairing my house
watching the TBS version of Sex in the City
not drinking beer
not eating complex carbohydrates
laundry
getting a YMCA membership, which I have used twice
reading (I like it)
giving plasma
cooking seriously healthy meals (I'm hungry by the way and I ate 45 minutes ago)
reading the books of Leviticus & Numbers (riveting)
cleaning my dehumidifier
working at Scooters
frequenting Cultiva Coffee (15th and South, check it out, and thencome see me @ Scooters)

Very soon I will be:
getting a haircut
doing my taxes

What do you tell someone when they ask what you've been up to, and you life is lacking extreme excitement?

A new look--again.

2007-12-18T16:03:00.000-06:00

I changed my look again, because the old page only allowed one post to show up at a time. Thus, limiting my ability to post twice in one day, should I have a hankerin'. I like it. I hope you do to.

V.I.P. That's right.

2007-12-13T14:10:00.000-06:00

As of Monday I became a VIP at the Nabi plasma donation center. Basically, this means my plasma has lots of Hepatitis B antigens, I get paid more, and I get to put VIP after my name when I sign in, moving my name and file to the very top of the list. I'm not sure why, but the whole thing makes me feel like a rap star, and I am considering getting some bling with my initial on it.

Brrrrrr (I'm feeling poetic)

2007-12-10T07:14:00.000-06:00

There's something quiet about the cold, something private.

Perhaps it's the way we hunch over keeping our arms as close to our sides as possible, our hands tucked into pockets.

With our ears to our shoulders, we do not invite the friendly conversations or simple nods hello from passersby.

As we enter into the warmth of inside, we stand up, we loosen ourselves both physically and relationally. We say hello.

Verbally Processing This Thing Called Hope

2007-12-05T17:31:00.000-06:00

I have been pondering hope lately, not just hope in the Lord and His promises, which is ultimately hope, but the demeanor of hope as it sits on a person's soul. Hope can be so freeing. It doesn't so much sit on one's soul, but it makes is float, it holds it up. But as a realist, hope is terrifying for me, even after writing that last description. Hope gives up control. It throws itself into an exhilarating free-fall from a mountaintop and risks the possibility of incredible pain. The knowledge of the risk of pain causes me to reign in any hope in which I might surely enjoy and revel.I know that I have issues and pain that I need to work through, but why do I not risk hoping, seeing its potential to bring life? Even as I process this, I am so enticed to hope, but it seems like a monster under my bed ready to grab my leg and bite it off. Arrrrg! Hope!

Holiday Novel

2007-11-25T16:54:00.000-06:00

Each Holiday season I look forward to getting sucked into a good novel, but the selection of such is always the hardest part. Any suggestions?

I am a Barista

2007-11-20T14:17:00.000-06:00

Barista
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A competitor (James Hoffmann) during the World Barista Championship.
This article is about bartenders. For lawyers, see Barrister. For the chain of espresso bars in India, see Barista Coffee.
Not to be confused with Batista.
When using the term in English, "barista" refers to one who has acquired some level of expertise in the preparation of espresso-based coffee drinks. Within certain circles, its meaning is expanding to include what might be called a coffee sommelier; a professional who is highly skilled in coffee preparation, with a comprehensive understanding of coffee, coffee blends, espresso, quality, coffee varieties, roast degree, espresso equipment, maintenance, latte art, etc. James Hoffmann of Britain is the current World Barista Champion.
Though popularly believed to be an Italian term, it was developed in America as a derivative of the Italian word meaning bartender and is now part of the lexicon of some American coffee shops. Entered into English from the Italian in which it means roughly "bartender" (plural: baristi [masculine or mixed sex] or bariste [feminine]). The term is derived from the Italian use of the word bar, which is similar to the American or British café. In Italy, the barista typically works behind a counter, serving both hot (such as espresso and other coffee-based ones) and cold alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages.

Although I am astounded to be akin to such a definition, and I think Scooter's should start selling really good beer and wine, I believe there is much more to being a barista. Baristas are the experts at everything. We are the available ear to anyone's woes. We set a tone to our given coffee houses. We arise early to ensure that your coffee is ready when you are. I love it!